Dollar Tree Haul!!! (My First Frugal Friday Post!)

While I was out and about doing the painful task of ‘adulting’, groceries must be bought and someone’s gotta buy toilet paper, I found myself in one of my favorite bargain stores… Dollar Tree.  All my fellow thrifty moms, and otherwise practical penny pinchers know this store all too well.  So, I thought I’d share some of the goodies I found with you all while browsing through the aisles of good ol’ Dollar Tree.

As you can see in the picture above, I purchased some of the most adorable tiny Yankee Candle like jar candles.  I love burning these on top of my stove especially after I’m done cooking something, lets say, a bit fragrant (seared salmon, fried chicken, etc).  So, I got 12 of those.  No, that’s not excessive…. Sheesh they’re only a dollar!

Then, I kept walking around, because you can’t go to Dollar Tree and not see what else they got going on. and I decided to pick up a couple of beauty products.  If you spend more than a $1 on hair ties, nail files and the like you are spending waaaaaayyyy too much.  Some things you don’t necessarily want to buy from a bargain store.  But, those things that you replace so many times over on such a regular basis, TUH! You better get on that Dollar Tree train and save some coin.

So, I kept meandering, and along the back wall on an end cap found an oasis of amazingness. Books!  I used to be a total book nerd, and over the years I’ve fallen off a bit.  I found that when I read more I seemed to stay more inspired and centered (when I read things that give me an emotional and spiritual grounding).  So, when I saw this mini literary oasis, I took this opportunity to pick up a few books that peaked my interest.  I’m hoping that the books I chose will be as good as the descriptive excerpts I read on the inside of each cover.  Hideous Love and  The Cross Gardener are the two that I’m the most looking forward to diving into.  I’m hoping that the others are good as well, but if they all suck, oh well, they were only a dollar.

Have you read any of these books?  If you did, what did you think of them?  Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to know your thoughts.

• Planting Dandelions by Kyran Pitman
• The Cross Gardener by Jason E Wright
• Hideous Love – The Story of the Girl Who Wrote Frankenstein by Stephanie Hemphill
• Ten Things I Learnt About Love by Sarah Butler
• Down From Cascom Mountain by Ann Joslin Williams

If you want a review on one or more of these books, let me know in the comments below. 

Total damage?  Approximately $22.  

Not too shabby, if I do say so myself.  Especially considering I went in knowing I was going to buy a case of candles (12 x $1).

When was the last time you went to the Dollar Tree (or other dollar store in your area, Family Dollar, Five Below, Dollar General, etc.)?  What did you buy? How much did you spend? Leave a comment below. I’d love to hear about all of your bargain shopping shenanigans.

 

Thank you for reading!

 

Like poetry? Read some of my work here –> Blinders (final edit) and here –> I am, I was, I will be…

More about me here –> Penned From The Soul and here –> The Beginning (Rambling Introduction and Goals, Come Along for the Ride While I Stretch Out My Wings and Fly)

 

If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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I Am

Overlooked and underutilized,
Why can you not see that you need me?
When all you count on are gone,
Who is always with you?

Heartbroken and heavy burdened,
You may return,
Only after you have turned to another for
Comfort only I can give.

I soothe

Lonely and lost,
You often return,
Only after you have scraped you knees falling
On the rough path you chose to stray onto,

I remain

Crushed and confused,
You often return,
Only after you test uncertain waters
Realizing its shallow depth barely covers the sharp coral beneath.

I restore

Exhausted and empty,
You are forced to return,
Only after you have searched far and wide
Without me, for love that doesn’t last.

I Am Love

Stay with me
I’ll hold your hand,
Through mountains you will climb,
Through valleys you think will never end
Through storms in your life that rage and tear at your soul
Trust me.
I love you.
I Am God.

Stay with me
I’ll hold your heart,
Protecting from those who wish to break it.
Protecting from your decisions that leave you vulnerable.
Protecting from someone who means no harm, but cannot see clearly. You.
Trust me.
I love you.
I Am God.

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2016

 

Like this? Read more here –> The Beginning (Rambling Introduction and Goals, Come Along for the Ride While I Stretch Out My Wings and Fly) and here –> I am, I was, I will be…

Thank you for reading!

If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Intensity – (Bend ‘Til i Break)

Intensity – (Bend Til I Break)
The depth of us
Deeper than child and mother
I craved to be connected
More to you than any other

I never realized
How intense our issues
All the screaming
My broken heart, tissues

I Love You
Always initiated by me
Never truly cared for
Who I am, consistently

I Love You
Never received by you
“Why do you hate me?”
Questioning my truth

You Hate Me
Your favorite phrase
Knowing it tore at my spirit
Still spoken almost everyday

Illness and pain
Kept me at your side
Your words and anger
Never preventing my desire provide

For you

Illness and pain
I gave as an excuse
Your words and anger
Continual standard abuse

For me

Doctors and chores
Solely focused on your health
Your stabs and jabs
Disregard for self
Having feelings
I tried but never understood
My love NOT hate
My intentions never seen as good

Still I endure

12 years fly
Why do I still stand?
Your words and feelings
Make me bend at your command

Until I break

I leave you
Reluctant doesn’t begin to describe
Your wishes not mine
Hardest thing to decide

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2014

 

This poem is intensly personal.  I was a caretaker for 12 years.  Any one who is a caretaker knows that it is often a thankless job with little to no time off.  It’s only made worse when the dynamic between the caretaker and the one being cared for is as dysfunctional as mine was with my mother.  Typing this simply to share it with you all was almost as hard as it was when I lived it.  But because i love you all soooooo much, I wanted to share this with you.  Also, I know that there are those who may have dealt with something similar, and I know I felt so alone.  Although you may feel like you are, I want you to know that you aren’t by yourself with your pain.  Find someone you trust to talk to.  If you don’t have anyone that you feel comfortable talking to, feel free to talk to me in the comments section below.  This is a safe space (I monitor my comments and don’t torerate mean, bullying or insensitive comments).  So, let’s support one another.

 

Liked this read more here –> Feeling…? and here –> I am, I was, I will be…

 

If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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I am, I was, I will be…

I am a student and mother
I attempt to balance my duality
Morning turkey bacon sizzles
While “Mama, Where’s my …?” in one ear, while homework lingers in corner of racing thoughts.

I was an insomniac chasing sleep
Late night up racing to finish the marathon
Sweet smell of a coconut candle in the air
Life’s requirements and distress led me to this place, of Whirr-ing thoughts and lack of time.

I will continue to be
A mother and student
Balancing both like a trapeze artist
Leaning too far either way will cause a Crash-Bang! Destruction of my plans and I will fail at both.

I was a fear-reactive woman
Looking in both directions through darkness for sunlight
Should I? Either way there’s the potential
For consequences that could spell…Wait. Just breathe.

Step out! Have Faith! God will catch us both if I fall.

I am completely one with myself
When I am with you my sweet baby girl,
Your smile, floral fragrance of your soft curls when we snuggle
Watching a movie, going to the park, even watching the grass grow is amazing with you by my side.

I will be a woman fulfilled
When I finish this leg of my journey
Degree in my hand
Enjoying my success. God’s plans will always outshine the darkness of negativity.

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2016

 

Read more here –> Boxer’s Hands (I Miss You) and here –> Penned From The Soul

 

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Boxer’s Hands (I Miss You)

As I stand naked
Hot water cascading down my aching back
The feel of your hard working hands
Rough and calloused
Gently caressing each curve and working every knot

Your closed fists often protect me
Your fists clenched against all outsiders
Fists that broke bones and busted faces
Fists that were paid to inflict pain
Opened up for me with a warm welcoming embrace

Rough calloused and damaged
Instinctively your caress would incite a fire within
Never too much or too little… Always enough
Pressure
Pleasure was your only agenda
Your touch tender and gentle yet rough enough
To remove all the problems of the day.

Grabbing a towel off the rack
Stepping out into a warm steaming room
I wipe the mirror to see my reflection
For a moment I feel that your reflection will be
Next to mine
Knowing that you aren’t there anymore

Tears flow as I wrap the towel around the curves
You once lovingly caressed
I cover my face trying to bring up a mental image of your smile, failing.
I look up again. You still are not there.
I miss your hands gently massaging away the day.

I cry out in silence for you for I know you cannot come
My heart is broken but your heart will always be with me.

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2016

 

Like this?  Check out some of my other posts like  Feeling…? or Blinders (final edit)

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Penned From The Soul

This page is intended to be the vessel or catch-all for the whimsical wonderings of my mind, feelings of great joy or sorrow, dreams and passions, and all other happenings of the inner workings of my heart and soul.  For now this will be a journal of sorts; a place where I can release all of the energy that I don’t have the space to hold onto within the delicate vessels of my fragile walls of my heart.  I will use this as a place to come to be alone with my thoughts when I need time to decompress, and hopefully it will become a place that I will find community with those who are travelling on the same path.  I hope you enjoy and come back from time to time to peek into my inner workings, or just to say hey every once in a while!

 

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Where Have I Been?

I guess there should be a long philosophical explanation to answer this question, as it has been several weeks since I have posted a single word on here.  However, I do not have a long, drawn out answer as to where I have been.  Other than to tell you all that I have been struggling.  I am struggling with life.  Home life has been crazy.  The energy within the four walls where I lay my head, as of late, has been garbage.  Instead of being replenished, my energy stores have been drained, to the point of someone who is broken and feeble and barely able to walk.  I have felt so burdened, that I can no longer bear the weight of regular day-to-day happenings.  There have been days where I have been brought to the precipice of my breaking point, only to be brought back by the fact that my daughter needs me to be here, to be present, and to be strong.  Also, my health has been sh!t.  Without going into details, I’ll just say that cluster migraines are a son of a b!tch.  The doctors don’t know what is causing them and they have gotten so bad that I have had to drop all of my classes this semester.  Adding to that my emotional and spiritual state has plummeted to the depths of a Grand Canyon sized rut that I’ve been trying to dig myself out of, which has been completely out of the question.  So I’ve placed my blog (along with everything else that is not essential to sustaining my life or that of my daughter’s) on the back burner, so that I can realign my spiritual center, and hopefully get back on a physically and emotionally healthy path. I’m working on collecting the shards of my life to put them the safe loving hands of the Creator until I’m able to hold onto them again. Until then I’ll remain prayerful that the Father will sustain and strengthen me as He has always done each time I fall apart.

I say all of that to say this, I am still hoping that you all want to continue this journey of self-discovery and success along with me and my little family.  I still have the same goals that I had at the beginning of planning this blog.  I want to share the path that God has for me with all that want to join the trek.  It won’t always be all happiness and sunshine with flowers blooming.  There will be times where there will be tears, blood, scars, and pain.  I want to be genuine, open and honest about it all; Good, Bad and Ugly.

I have been brainstorming some ideas over this ‘break’ that I’ve taken over the past few weeks.  I want to expand and do some different things with my site.  So you may see some new things over the next few weeks/months.  I’m looking into getting a new camera equipment.  So, there will definitely be some more pictures.  Let me know what you think in the comment section below about food/fashion/beauty/photography pages as those are some of the passions that I want to explore and develop.

As for all of the people who enjoy my poetry posts, don’t worry, I will continue to write and post poetry, as that is a deeply engrained passion that will never wane.  There will be a special place just for the deep expression of this weird, passionate, scarred and often anxiety ridden heart of mine (the struggles of being an empath). Just the format of my site will be changing in order to make room for the ideas that are floating around in corridors of my mind.  Prayerfully, I’m back, for good.  I make no promises, because tomorrow isn’t promised.  But, I am doing what I can to maintain a presence here.

 

If you liked reading this, read more –>The Beginning (Rambling Introduction and Goals, Come Along for the Ride While I Stretch Out My Wings and Fly) or –>Feeling…?

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Blinders (final edit)

The man stands on the corner
Holding the sign, begging for nourishment
The boy escapes reality after school at football practice
Torment awaits him within the walls of the place he must call home
The wife and mother of 4 next door smiles as though there’s nothing wrong
Her bruises and scars become more apparent even with a passing glance

Eyes open, yet we walk around with blinders on

The soldier is tormented vivid visions of lost friends when his platoon was ambushed
Without shelter, desiring understanding, LOVE
The teenage boy lives in fear protects his little brother from blows behind closed doors
His loneliness is greater than can be imagined, he’s afraid of the pain that’s coming with the next beating
The wife and mother can never meet the standard he holds, always out of reach
She is suffering in silence, tortured while all around her watch
They suffer openly and no one offer’s an open hand or a shoulder to lean on
Do not walk pass them as though they don’t exist

Eyes open, yet we walk around with blinders on

The soldier remains on the corner
Until he gets tired of the nightmares and chooses to turn the tool he used to protect and serve, on himself
The boy remains silent
Until one day the pain turns into a puddle or crimson on the floor and flashing lights flickering throughout the neighborhood
The wife and mother of 4 remains tortured
Until she figures out that her only way out is to end it all, driving off into the night, her babies in tow, into the river, silenced forever.

Eyes open, yet we walk around with blinders on

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2014

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this poem.  I have a deep connection to this poem, as I was a victim of abuse as a child, and again as an adult.  I also was homeless as a child and lived in a shelter.  I’ve also been homeless again as an adult.  Most people choose to look past those who are in need.  We may see that people who are struggling, but, we don’t reach out.  

Sometimes we may feel that those who are dealing with issues such as homelessness, are struggling because they have brought it upon themselves.  That is sometime the case.  But, does that make it right for those who can help to turn a blind eye.  Sometimes we feel like there’s nothing that we can do to help.  The problem is too big for us to solve alone.  That too is true.  We as individuals cannot make a difference to societies problems of homelessness on our own.  But, what if all it took was a kind word, or a listening ear.  It could be something as simple as a smile that could make a difference for someone who is struggling with abuse.

Be Kind To Someone Today!  

It may make all the difference in someone’s life.

 

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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When (Blinders) – First draft

Eyes open
Yet closed to the man on the corner
Holding the sign, begging for nourishment
Shelter
Love

Eyes open
Yet closed to the young boy in football practice
Escaping the torment awaiting him within the doors that he must soon return to
Lonely
Afraid

Eyes open
Yet closed to the wife and mother of 4 next door
Her bruises and scars becoming more and more visible with each passing day
Suffering
Tortured

When will we do more than just walk around with
Eyes open
Blinders on

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2013

I’m glad you took the time to read this.    

Take the time to be kind today.  It could make all the difference in someone’s life.

 

 If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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Please Stay (Eternity)

Listening to you breathe
Feeling your chest rise
And fall
Dawns rays arrive too quickly

Your delicious chocolate skin
Begs for a connection with
My lips
Warm and smooth like silk

Through the cracks in the blinds
The sun’s rays invade
My time
Moments before we must part

Your breathing changes
I close my eyes tightly
Pretending
Please, stay… don’t move.

Hoping time stops… for Eternity
Please stay… don’t move.

(c) Dreaded Beautii 2014

Image Credit:Toni Thorne

I thought I’d give you all something Valentine’s Day inspired.  Hope You Enjoy!  

If you like it let me know and I’ll post more like this one!

If no one has told you yet today, You are Important! You are Beautiful! I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

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